Happy Holidays!

I just wanted to wish everybody a happy and healthy holiday season. I'll be back to blog over the weekend.

No More Teachers....

Well at least for the next 3 weeks. School is out until the Spring semester resumes in early January. I'm possibly going to do the dumbest thing imaginable... Take a full course load while working AND trying to fit in a workout into my already hectic schedule. This will be quite interesting. I'm trying to work on my time management skills. They are horrible, and I think it would make my life easier in all areas of my life. I do have a couple of ideas but I will need to test things out and see what works for my schedule.

For now I will hit the hay since I'm trying to make it to the gym before I head into work in the morning.

I'll Be Back

I should probably state that I've not given up the weight loss fight. It's definitely been difficult as of late with the onset of new injuries. It's weird because with all that I've learned about myself and how much I've grown this last year you would think that I'd be able to snap out of it or bounce back immediately but I can't. I think it just affirms how much of a mental game losing weight can be. So as of right now I'm taking a break from blogging until after my finals. My last one is on December 9th and at the moment I'm trying to do well where I'm not obligated to take some of them so my focus will be on that. If anyone still reads this blog I would say avoid the posts from July until November. I will dub that as the dark period. Anytime before July is fair game. I started this blog hoping to inspire someone and I feel that some posts aren't that inspirational, especially since I'm in dire need of inspiration myself.

Happy reading.

I'll see you soon.

So Far, So Good

It's weird how you can feel so full of energy, so positive about losing weight and then a few hours later not so much. I had planned on working out in the morning but my bed was so warm and comfy that I had to sleep in. Some how I managed to make it to the gym after work. I felt pretty good afterwards. I just hope I can keep it up. My right knee began to hurt a couple of hours after the workout. I think I might need to rest tomorrow. I should probably tell you what chondromalacia feels like. Do you remember how it felt to be kicked in the shin by a little kid? Well it feels like that constantly, even after the cortisone shots. I can't help but wonder how much more weight I need to shed for it to make a real difference. I'm in constant fear that each step that I take could possibly bring me closer to knee surgery. I'm going to have to shed some serious poundage and quickly. I'm not going to do anything drastic but I need to keep a steady weight loss pace and try to keep it together mentally so that I don't comfort eat. This will be very difficult since finals are quickly approaching and work will be extremely busy and stressful until the end of the year.
Sunday
Workout: Swimming
Meal 1: Cereal
Meal 2: PBJ on wheat english muffin
Meal 3: One ounce of cheese
Meal 4: *Buffalo cheeseburger, no bun, with sauteed mushrooms, and a salad
Meal 5: One ounce of cheese
Water: Six 8 ounce glasses of water
Foods That I Lusted After: I wouldn't mind a double chocolate chip cookie
* I bought this from Trader Joe's. It already has porcini mushrooms inside of I think that lessened the amount of meat that I consumed.


Monday
Workout: 20 minutes on elliptical, 10 minutes on row boat, strength training
Meal 1: Cereal
Meal 2: Slim Fast shake
Meal 3: Granola
Meal 4: Turkey sub on wheat with cheddar, lettuce, onions, and spicy mustard
Meal 5: Buffalo cheeseburger, no bun, with sauteed mushrooms, and a salad
Meal 6: One ounce of cheese
Water: Six 8 ounce glasses of water
Foods That I Lusted After: Red Velvet cake from Kroger's

New Developments

Yes I know I was supposed to blog next week but there have been many, many developments going on in my life. I've actually had to write down what courses I will need to take to achieve my degree. It will be very interesting because soon the courses that I will need to take will only be offered during work hours. Also I've been studying for a test coming up and then I have a speech to make this week and I will jump for joy when this speech class is over with. I've also seen the Ortho's for the pain in my knees and the frequent lumbar sprains in my back. As for the lumbar sprains the doctor said that my back is fine. Nothing looks out of the ordinary, I will just need physical therapy to help out with that. Also the doctor get's lumbar sprains too so it was a comfort hearing that I wasn't the only one who suffered from it. As for my knees...well...that news is not so good. I've been in constant pain for about a month and a half so far. I've iced down my knees after a workout but I knew something was wrong when sometimes that didn't alleviate anything. I wrote down my symptoms before I went to the Ortho and the diagnosis is this. I have chrondomalacia in my knees. Basically the cartilage is wearing down and so is my patella(knee cap). I can only dream about high impact exercises at this point. As for even walking, I have to do it in the water. That sucks. I feel like I'm 80 now. I did receive cortisone injections in my knee so that does help but I really have to be careful with the exercises that I do even if I feel that I'm physically capable of doing them. There's no cure for chrondomalacia exactly. I do need to do physical therapy exercises and of course lose weight to help with this. I was going to try to add Step Class to my fitness repertoire but I think that's out for the moment.

On the plus side I get to decrease a pant size last week. I'm officially in the 3x for my bottom half. Actually 3X consists of two sizes a size 24 and size 26. I'm a size 26 at the moment and I'd like to be a size 24 pants by Christmas because that means I can buy jeans and pants off the rack. (Target here I come!) My brother is sick and tired of seeing Old Navy packages arrive every other day.

I have a lot of thinking and planning to do in regards to my fitness and exercise plan. I will write more later this week.

A Change Would Do You Good

I'm here. I'm actually doing a little better now. I didn't fully
reorganize my life last weekend but I am making quite a bit of changes
since my schedule is more demanding. I think the biggest obstacle for
me as of late is getting to the gym to exercise. Either I'm to tired
after class or I stayed up way to late working on homework that it's a
bit difficult to get up early in the morning. For now I'm just going
to have to suck it up. This strenuous school schedule will end in
early December, and thankfully October is almost over. In my Fitness
for Living class sometimes there's no lecture. My Professor just
wants us to exercise for the duration of the class time and that's
fine by me. I do tend to look like a hot mess when I have to go to my
next class but I guess it's better than rolling out of bed and going
to class in my pj's. So here are some upcoming changes. I'll blog on
Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Those are my least busy days
of the week. We'll see how that pans out especially since after
Thanksgiving I will be extremely busy at work and Finals will be going
on at around that same time too. YAY!

This Friday I will have an appointment with the Ortho for my back.
It's been over a month since I've had a lumbar sprain so I'm excited
about that. Next Monday I will go to see the Ortho about my knee. My
knees have been bothering me quite a bit. It probably didn't help
that my personal trainer tried to kill me in the gym on Saturday but
that's okay. I did a boot camp workout last Friday and I ran a bit.
It felt good to do that, but my knees are sore and tender. I think I got caught up in the merriment. I probably should have walked quickly but I don't regret it and I made that choice so I'll have to suffer the consequences.


Workout: Body Works Plus Abs
Meal 1: Cereal with two sausage patties
Meal 2: Special K Protein Shake
Meal 3: Turkey sub on flatbread with lettuce, onions, cheddar, and spicy mustard
Meal 4: Low Fat Oatmeal Banana Bread with milk
Meal 5: Cheeseburger, no bun, sauteed mushrooms, and a salad
Meal 6: Low Fat Oatmeal Banana Bread
Water: Seven 8 ounce glasses
Foods That I Lusted After: Cookies! They are everywhere!!!

I'm here

I did wanted to post that I am around. Currently I'm mulling things around. I'm trying to simplify things in my life so I can devote more time to diet, and exercise. Unfortunately my life right now is beginning to mimic the movie "Groundhog Day" and it's becoming difficult to find the time and energy to work out. To add to that my knees are in quite a bit of pain at the moment. This month would be the earliest time that I can get a cortisone shot. I don't know whether that will help to alleviate the pain. My ortho is reluctant to give me another cortisone shot since I am so young. Also it's been about a month since my last lumbar sprain so I'm due for another one very soon. I'm not looking forward to it but a pattern has been established. I've tried to make appointments to see Ortho's who specialize in the back and knee region but getting time off from work is difficult when you are a reliable worker. I'm wondering if I need to royally screw up just to use one of my vacation days.

This weekend I'm undertaking a huge project. I'm trying to make some changes and overhaul things in my life. So I'm going to put blogging on hold until next Saturday. I have a lot of work that I need to do, a lot of things that I need to think about. I'm fine. I'm just taking a break and I hope by doing this that this will help me continue on my path to a happier healthier me.

I'm Free!

Okay today I feel much much better. Immediately after I posted yesterday I felt a little lighter, like a weight had been lifted. Which is odd because I didn't know that it was such a heavy burden. Today was a pretty good day. Actually it was great because class got canceled. JOY! I attended the body works plus abs. I didn't like the teacher initially because we did squats for two songs straight and I was a little annoyed by that because I was afraid I was going to hurt my knees. After that little hiccup I didn't mind the class so much. I was amused by the teacher who appeared to be in her 40's but she was in very good shape singing the lyrics to Nelly's "Hot in Herre." Anyway I had fun today. I'm not sure what I'll do tomorrow or if I'll make that my day of rest. I will keep you posted though.

Workout: Body Works Plus Abs
Meal 1: Cereal
Meal 2: Cereal
Meal 3: Turkey sub on wheat with lettuce, onions, cheddar, and spicy mustard
Meal 4: Low Fat Oatmeal Banana Bread
Meal 5: *Brown Rice, mushrooms, bean sprouts, chicken, roti bread, and onions
Water: Seven 8 ounce glasses of water

Letting It Out

I was reading another person's weight loss blog. She is like me, she suffers from depression as well. I've kind of glossed over it in my blog but I thought that I should address it in detail since I've omitted quite a few things of what it's like to be depressed. So here it goes... I've been diagnosed as having major depression. My parent's noticed that something was wrong with me in second grade which was when I started to gain weight. I've seen a psychologist/psychiatrist/social worker on and off since then. I have attempted suicide twice. Once when I was in 7th grade the other time when I was a Junior in High School. Around June 2008 my Dad told me that I needed to get my mental health and physical health in order. I had a annual check up and then soon after that I started seeing a Psychologist once a week. I've been depressed for quite a while and I still don't understand aspects of it. I know that people who are depressed often have low serotonin levels so I believe the medication that I'm on helps to raise it. I take it daily. If I go a few days without it then I do notice a difference in how I think, how I react and operate in everyday life. There's a stigma attached to being depressed. I think the word crazy comes to mind. Well I'm not crazy per se. I'm eccentric, zany. I might be crazy but I'm not Anne Heche crazy. I have dreams, hopes, aspirations, just like anybody else. The thing is that I'm just sad all the time. I've been told to snap out of it or pretend that I'm not sick. It just doesn't work that way. I can kind of set aside truly depressing thoughts and function like a 'normal' person. But those thoughts and feelings are still underneath the surface, and they never go away but the intensity of those thoughts vary day by day, minute to minute. Those thoughts can be magnified by anything. Mine are magnified by romantic movies, if I have a bad day at work, and other minute things. So when I'm depressed I eat. I eat until I'm emotionally full, and then I feel horrible afterwards but sometimes I'm so depressed that I can ignore that particular feeling. That's the hardest thing about losing weight. You have to eat for nourishment but when you are depressed like me and you are used to stuffing yourself as a way to dull the pain that you are going through it's a hard habit to break. Depression effects every facet of my life. Dealing with whatever mental issues that come way my as a result of weight loss coupled with depression makes getting through the day agonizing. I know you are probably wondering if I am suicidal right now. But I'm not. I've learned the past two times that it would be devastating to my family and I don't want to put them through that. My brother told me once that if I did commit suicide that he would be devastated, that he would never be the same. When you are depressed you don't see how that can possibly be true since everything in your life seems bleak. I do often wonder what my place is on earth, why I'm here, will I make a difference, will I compliment someone's life, etc... I have no earthly idea of what's in store for me. Right now I'm just trying to make it through each day. I'm trying not to let depression get the best of me. I don't want to be back to where I was before I lost 100 pounds. I suppose battling depression is another aspect that I have to battle along my weight loss journey.

Cloak of Darkness

I'm depressed and overwhelmed with school. That's why I've been absent. I've decided to post something that will be particularly heavy tomorrow. I'm hoping that I can work through this with that post. I want to state everything correctly so I want to take my time writing it.

At any rate I will be back tomorrow. I'm going to make my way to the gym today and really think things through before I reach for something unhealthy.